I've been lying for so long I don't know what the truth is. I've expected so much, disappointment is my natural state. I've been waiting for more for so long I don't know how to make it. I thought it would be better by now. I don't understand how it could possibly be me. And yet, this is my life, and I'm the one who hasn't made it more. I order pants online so the shop keepers don't have to look at me. I claim to be a writer who hasn't set pen to paper in months.
I thought I could inspire you but all I've done is dissuade.
My reflection is a stranger. I wish nothing was true so hard I'm no longer sure what is.
If only I could believe I was real and that all of this still mattered.
If only I thought it could make a difference.
If only I believed.
If only the few good people I knew would stop dropping dead.
it's been a harder day than usual for me.
and I don't know what that means.
because I don't know who I'm supposed to be.
I'm 26 and I've been told it's impossible to be a failure before 35.
I'm still not sure if that's true.
I'm waiting for something amazing to happen.
It's never occurred to me to make it so.
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