Equilibrium

I have broken every promise I have ever made.
and I'm fine with that.
I have made people feel like less and encouraged self destruction in others as well as in myself.
For ages I thought that the most important thing about a person was what books they read and whether or not they wasted their time.
They had to be Political, they had to be militant vegetarians and want nothing more that outright communism.
I couldn't understand why Adults were so fucking soft.

But it's hard.
It's so fucking hard to care about things.
To have your heart ripped out multiple times a day.
Trying is like laying your capillaries out along the roadside and begging someone to notice that you're not quite bleeding.

but you're so damn close.

Begging on hands and knees with broken voices and panting breaths for something in all this chaos to be WORTH IT.

for all the pain and effort and studying to mean what you think you are.

to find an equilibrium between what you want to be and what you hope you are.
but not what you have any evidence of.

because I'm dumb
I'm terrible at math and science.
I have a short attention span.
once upon a time i believed my professor when she said I had a unique command of the English language.
I haven't accomplished a single thing since.